After all - it must be God cos it jumped out at me and everyone knows that God jumps out at you with things sometimes right? So I rang the guy and he sounded lovely. We arranged for me to inspect the house that day as I was going to Adelaide anyway. Wow. See it must be God. What luck.
So we went and saw the house. It was fantastic. It was at the end of a long row of townhouses - the very last one - so complete privacy! It backed onto a park. Downstairs was a roomy lounge. Bugga no dishwasher - but that's cool as I shouldn't be so lazy. There was a little Harry Potter door under the staircase with a spare toilet. Oh man. Anyone with teenagers knows how important more than one toilet is!
Upstairs the rooms were kinda pokey, but there was a lovely balcony. I could totally see myself sipping orange juice and slicing up warm buttery toast as I read my bible and prayed at 5:00am. Hey Lord, yeah I know I don't do that now... but that's only because I don't have such a lovely balcony to do it on. If I had a lovely balcony like this I would absolutely seek you early and all that jazz.
Zech fell immediately in love with it and decided that we should actually buy it rather than rent it as he wanted to live there for ever. It is just down the road from his school and there is a great church around the corner. PERFECT.
I asked for an application form and the landlord, who was a nice looking thirty something definantly non-Italian guy, told me I was the only one who was applying. Wow. God must want me to have this! He promised to email it to me and off I went home dreaming of my brand new lifestyle.
The next day, true to his word, he sent the application. Weirdly for some reason I was getting this kind of yuk "warning" in my gut. I ignored it until the afternoon when I sat down and did a budget. The rent was pretty large. Almost twice what I pay on my mortgage. It was all good though as my budget clearly showed that as long as we went on a diet, developed a love for baked beans, gave up smoking, cut off the phone, and minimised outings, and then shuffled the money a bit - I could TOTALLY afford it. Awesome. Phew. Cos for a moment there I was worried. Besides if God was asking me to get this house... well its His responsibility to come through with the cash. So in fact, I am just going to believe that He is going to come up with something there and provide the cash. I am going to step out in faith and He can carry me like He promised. Wooohooo. Yeah I just need to get my faith happening. "Oh and if you do come up with something Lord - I can really see us having bible studies there - homegroups - the whole shabang. Would be a great house for you Lord. So clearly you are in on this so you are going to just have to back me up - okays?"
Late that night I was painting the bathroom with renewed vigour. The sooner I get done - the sooner we can move to our new house! I was listening to a pod cast on emotional decisions and impulsive behaviour. I started getting this really uncomfortable feeling again. After I while I started getting a bit annoyed, threw my brush on the ground and said "well what are you on about Lord. How can the house be an emotional decision? It was a FAITH decision!"
"Did you actually ask me at any stage if it was the RIGHT decision or do you just want me to back you up when things start getting messy?" He responded.
"But the homegroups..."
"..."
"the 5am bible reading on the balcony with toast and orange juice Lord?
"..."
"It's close to a real nice church Lord!"
"..."
"It had hedgggggggges!"
"..."
"Fine! (sigh) Is it the right decision?"
"Nope." He did whatever he does that kinda makes me feel like I am getting a big hug and said "I want you to know - I only want good things for you"
See. A lot of emotional decisions can look like faith or look right and God can even back us in it. "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord...". But if we actually do what he wants us to do - even if it doesn't look PERFECT - it will be - because he only wants good things for us. There is safety in that. Safety in that sort of decision making.
I turned the house down. Walking in faith is NOT gambling. As a poker player, sometimes you just get this feeling or impulse that goes against all logic... that something crazy is about to happen. That despite the odds, you are going to hit the right card or whatever. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But walking in God is not a gamble. Walking in faith is not a gamble. Its not about whether something feels right, looks right.. whatever. Its obedience to what HE says to do.
